What's this soccer crap?

Every Sunday we take Josh to Kiddy Kicks soccer. But he's really not that into it. He's supposed to run across a fake field and pick up fake bowls of ice cream and return them to the coach's bag. The whole time you can just tell Josh is saying to himself, "this chasing a ball shit is for dogs, now the whistle that guy is blowing is a different thing all together.  How do I get one of those?"